A Van Raft Christmas: Page 3 of 4 Pages
GrT Part II HE’LL BE ALRIGHT
. . . and it was in this time too that accordin’ to this old indian legend that the waters in these parts began to rise above and beyond their normal seven year cycles . . . but for some , a greater upper great lakes was not greater . . . that’s right folks , for some it was to their great dismay . . . take for example our kind environment crusader and wilderness vet , dr. wolf van raft , who according to whoo , took care of all the injured wild animals and their bird , fish , and tree pals . . . for him this was a particularly busy time , as he worked round the clock performing crucial lifesaving transplants and artificial resuscitations upon all the drowning trees , flowers , bulrushes , and pollywogs who lived upon these threatened shores
. . . consider young willard , this frisky adolescent pine , who had stepped to close to shore . . . why , he was already beginning to turn brown – hence , the words down , down , and no longer drown . . . and as dr. van raft by sticks , earth , and stones began to bring life back into his tender little bones . . . well , this turn of events delighted all his wee brothers earnie , wilbur ‘n filbert three , who in turn lived in the shade of mable , a gracious light green maple tree . . . a tree that trusty rusty and all his squirrely little friends called their knotty hallowed homes . . . and upon whose great celestial antlers and nutty intertwined trails they used their tails , til one day these tales might just become the rails , to free others from their amnesiatic jails . . . LEST WE ONLY JEST . . . and although it was rumoured by one , that this pure water , that we thought should go for a clean refreshing run , was indeed precious to some . . . and you know that it just couldn’t be , for a tree doesn’t pee . . . and , of course , how could you . . . expect of them , in the land of man , to understand , that as a regular course , a tree trunk , instead of hay in a day , will drink his beloved rain in gallons of fours . . . sorry ‘bout that , but i’d say that was pretty good for a tree . . . and certainly not to be confused with cree . . . and the sons and the daughters of our original transplants were there for all to see . . . and of course all the little cherries and all the little berries were there for free
ALWAYS THERE WHEN I NEEDED YOU
. . . you know we’ve come a long way together now my little friend . . . through the sleet , and the snow . . the big fat clouds , the wind , the rain . . and even all the pretty little rainbows that make the flowers grow . . . and though you’re still a little puppy as radio stations go , to me you’re still that magical little bird that helps me make my memories flow . . . really whoda ever thought that after all this time of playin’ with your mind , i’d still not tire of your rhyme . . . so here’s a little poem i’ve written specially , and of course , as always , just for you
WHAT’S UP DOC
. . . which was really far out . . and more than even that . . lot’s of fun . . . AND OF COURSE WE MADE IT UP AS WE WENT ALONG . . . and now that our marriages had all been performed , it was time once again boys ‘n girls for wild bill van raft to come back home to your very own living rooms to unload this little ditty on you . . . SHOW ME THE WAY . . . and , oh hi there little ronnie in the front row , you’re lookin’ as fit as a fiddle – that’s just our way of sayin’ fit to be tied . . . excuse me says RVW to WWVR and WBVR . . . and now boys ‘n girls it’s time once again for another invigoratin’ episode of GRIZZLY THEATRE
splish splash
i was takin’ a bath
round about a saturnday night
OF COURSE , of course , boys ‘n girls , you knew we’d never let you down . . you knew we wouldn’t leave you hangin’ out there like that . . or maybe . . easy for you to say , specially considrin’ you’re a gh O st writer . . you already knew we’d be saved before we even got here . . easy there . . anyway back to DRIFTWOOD THEATRE and all those fabulous underwater runways
COMING SOON LONG WAY CORRIGAN
AND
THE CONTINUING FLIGHTS OF FANTASY OF ONE WILBUR E WRIGHT
ALL COME TRUE
FURTHER TALES FROM DRIFTWOOD THEATRE . . . PART I . . . lost somewhere between the sun and the moon . . . and as part of the trick it became understood that everything and everyone was born different . . and at the same time we should underestimate none . . . and so it was that all the kids got to tell their tales . . . that’s right folks , even the kids got the right to save their own whales . . . and that was good , i should think , wouldn’t you say . . . hurray , hurray , hurray . . . and so it was that our darling little danny , our darling little danny van raft , whose forefathers , and fathers before them , had always been millers down there by the stream , as they went about their frolic and play on a lovely indian summer’s day in such a jolly old fashion way . . . and now , and with little further addoo , here’s little danny van raft , come back all this way through the swirls and whirls of countless other worlds of dreamy curls ,’n made specially , just for you
PILES OF TRIALS WITH SMILES
Saturday October 19 , 1985
Who is the person that lives in Twopin Cottage ? Little Miss Neat .
Why is it called Twopin Cottage ? Becas she keeps it neat .
What does Miss Neat do all day ? Clean the house .
What did Miss Neat do when she woke up ? Clene the Doo .
What was in the middle of the path ? Some Doo .
What did she do about it ? Clen it out .
What did she do after the pudle was wiped up ? She clend the cloth .
TRUE V or FALSE X
. . . and oh, how was the weather . . . why the weather was wet , i should think , wouldn’t you say . . . and what did little miss neat do about it . . . why she wiped it all up , didn’t she . . . thank you , thank you little miss neat , and hip hip hurray . . . and of course for some it was creation . . . donnervetter . . . and for others it was which star shall i choose tonight . . . while for others it was tell me d’we pass the test yet . . . vere clere . . . first WYS . . . yay , yay , yay . . . and say’d anybody round here see blitzen
THE GLORIOUS PIPES OF THE MAN FROM BURBINGHAM
nestled gently in a beautiful little clearing somewhere deep inside the playful rolling hills and dreamy , timeless streams that wander up , down , and all around the magical little town of orrville , there stands a deer . . but not just any deer . . oh no , boys ‘n girls , this was a very special dear . . a very special , white-tailed deer . . a very special , magical , white-tailed deer , to be precise . . and a very good friend indeed . . . and oh , here’s a little kiss for you too my little . . chirp . . chirp . . chirp . . and so it was as it came to pass , that all the little kids thought that they too might just take a moment out from their very important mission to drop in on little miss starstruck . . why that’s me , ain’t it
. . . you know our little miss starstruck , eh , once she gets goin’ there’s practically no stoppin’ her . . . and now that her mom was comin’ to town . . well you can imagine , you could hardly get a word in edgewise
so let’s join her then , and all her dreamy . . . . . . . . . . . a couple of gentle mourning doves . . . . . . three little bushy-tailed furballs snoozin’ peacefully up there in a tree . . . . . . big red , a roving woodpecker reporter . . his helpful little son . . . and of course , nanabohzo , their wise old blue jay companion . . whoo’d just love to look in on her
. . . in past a wonderful winter wonderland of sugar-coated , candy-floss boughs . . . past the magical old wishing well . . the crooked old bird feeder , and all the sleeping daffodils , tulips , bleeding hearts ‘n lady slippers down there by the stream . . . past silly old uncle albert , the gnarled old grapevine , who’d still love to joke ‘n laugh as he hugged all the pretty little daisies on the brown , green , red ‘n honey black forest coockoo clock shutters . . . past the delightful aroma of all her favourite herbs ‘n spices . . all the tender loving memories tucked oh so neatly away in the little ole george harrison record by the fireplace . . . a glowing decanter of slow , ripe old , elderberry wine . . past a secret little basket of pfeffernüsse , honey hearts , and tiny little mandarin oranges . . . all kinds of nuts , a twist of good old fashioned barber pole andy candy , and last but not least , past suzanna , alana , and cindy lou , her lovely little begonia , snap dragon , ‘n african violet chums , who’d just love to go BOO , ’n then smile right back at lil’ ole you , all perched out there on the warm old golden pine window sills , of the darling little gingerbread house , that still stands on the same spot , by the great old pine , just as it did when her great great grandfather . . . . .
. . . and just in time too to catch her washing all the silly , frilly , lil’ lily pictures on her teensy , weensy , wittle , wedgewood dishes , the gorgeous georgian silver she’d inherited from crazy old chief looking glass , who in turn had traded it for his beautiful daughter in a wild , romantic , ceremonial wedding out there on the bay , oh so many moons ago , to put it mildly . . . a rowdy little gang of bright little cosmic communicators . . and . . SPLASH . . oh my goodness , what was that . . OF COURSE . . of course how could i have forgotten our dear old buddy kermit , and his daily splashdown with all his little ceramic frog friends . . including , none other than . . you got it . . his very own favourite girlfriend , fat bertha , all stretched out there , ‘n wearing nothin’ but a pair of dark sunglasses . . because . . now musn’t we . . as she practices the bran new story she’s made up special for her dear old mom , with chi chi her faithful little budgie bird
. . . and then wright back out . . right past diana , a tender hearted little trailing philodendron that curled up and out through the dainty little frosty leaded glass windows that overlook the itsy bitsy lil’ wind chimes that . . if you listen carefully . . can still be heard dancing wright along with all her long lost indian friends . . who’d still love to linger around , in , and all about the great celestial stream , in the magical little enchanted forest , just out back
. . . and oh look ma , ain’t that a sweet little crocus belle over there in that little pocket of sunshine
NEXT psychedelic supper COURSE
WHOOOPS . . WHO SAID THAT
A Van Raft Christmas
just round the corner from the zoo , mr. dressup’s , and all our dear old friends at e. b. phin . . with the hay , the rafts , the ceiling , and the water just a flyin’ . . wright on . . and somehow and . . PART I I . . . ACT I . . SCENE I . . . THE HAPPY WANDERER . . . and somehow we should just have known that it would be little wolf van raft’s turn next . . . and as our shy little wolf . . . that’s right kids THE TIME IS NOW PART I . . . and somehow and almost , aw shut up hose in the third row . . . and somehow and almost as if we should have known , that’s right it’s you two i’m talkin’ to cheech ‘n chong , keep it under your hat til you hear the dong . . . and somehow and almost as though we should have known that something was up when that sudden little puff just about blew us right off the map
Once up on a pine in another space and in another time
COMIN’ BACK . . . and frightfully delightful tales of best kept secrets , secret admirers , deliberate mayhem , deceptive suggestions , obscure visions , timely interpretations , unexpected visitors , ‘n nonsensical solutions were all around . . HI HO . . HI HO . . and as we . . hay d’you catch the queen mother just a hummin’ away as she washes all her beautiful , humble clothes down there by the stream . . . and as we continued to carry on it was of course time once again boys ‘n girls for our
yes there were times when you were cruel
and then there were times when you were kind
times when you were wright on
and times when you were far behind
times when you were barely out of touch
and times when you were even , would you believe
in two places at the same time
just the same , knowing you the way i do , i knew you wouldn’t mind
. . . and then hitchhikin’ like some poor old dog all outa gas ‘n wondrin’ which way was up . . . hitchhiking all in vain , in the dark , and in the drivin’ rain . . . and the snow that was to come according to and in front of the transluscent OPP CB9 MONITOR sign
EASY TO BE KIND . . . and wouldn’t you just know it that some guy . . some guy in an old broken down jalopy of a craft’d drop in and give us a lift . . . and of course when we least expected it , eh ted . . . not to mention the sublime aroma of the deep brown coffee , the kindness ‘n tender splendour of angels from another time and of another gender , and of course last but not least another thimbleful of gas . . . COME BACK HOME SOON . . . and so it was as we wound our way to granma’s house . . . but wait that can’t be granma’s house . . . that house is out there on an island . . . a flyin’ island . . . and of course pretty soon that might not even be a house . . . that’s wright folks for what had once been a paeninsula . . . and what had once been a mountain top . . . and more than even that a mountain top to an entire raft of flight weary wanderers and their craft . . . LAC LUENZA I PRESUME . . . and as we splashed up to granma’s . . . and as we turned up the light . . . and oh , what was that . . . why that was your dear old uncle elmer in his trusty boots blastin’ a few holes out there in the muck just to set the docs straight . . . that’s right folks these were a hardy folk , and not to be confused with those born with a golden . . . and oh just check out this letter . . . and would you believe that it’s supposed to go up another foot . . . and of course how were they to know . . . and as we righted our craft . . . and would you believe that this was actually happening right here in our very own backyard . . . and oh where was st. jean , where were the fairies , and where was the human wave now that we needed ‘em most . . . NO SOONER DONE THAN SAID . . . and oh just for the record , that tree’s not exactly goin’ fishin’ is it
WHAT’S UP DOC
the continuing saga of the struggles on the upper great lakes
PART III . . . INTERCEPTED MESSAGES . . . all of the time i’ve been searching . . . dj catch wind of that . . . and just as we were about to catch up with the peace brothers . . . we have lost contact with reality . . . hay what’s with this preponderance of dogs . . . they went that a way . . . oh don’t mind him , that’s only the silly old bathtub having another argument with the president on TV . . . and what does the the pope have to say about that . . . i want an ice cream . . . you can’t danny , picnic island’s under water . . . oh there goes the man with the propeller on the front of his hat . . . wow , look mom , our friends from the OPP got a bran new boat . . . i’ll drink to that . . . why that’s preposterous
SCRAMBLE AND YOU GET
THE BALLAD OF MUGSY WUGSY
mugsi wugsi was a bear
mugsi wugsi had no hair
now then mugsi wugsi wasn’t exactly bugsi wugsi wuzzi
STILL lots of other mayan time space ‘n mind games TO COME
YOU'RE A STRANGE ANIMAL
not for general consumption
. . . . bhrr , brrh , brrh , creek , cheep , cheep . . . . . and now then how ‘bout a little more of where that came from . . . huh . . . right , and just as we thought we were havin’ a hard time just tryin’ to keep up with ourselves , let alone simply tryin’ to figure out where we was , guess who comes walkin’ in . . . who well now , guess what boys ‘n girls , why it’s none other than YPAM Dr. Wolf Van Raft come back all this way from the wilderness with a whole new bag of tricks , ‘n made special just for you . . . DRIFTWOOD THEATRE PART I I . . . somewhere between the earth and the sky . . . THE TRICK OF THE TALE . . . and now my little Danny and Michael the first trick is to keep real quiet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . chirp . . . chirp , chirp , chirp . . . WHACK . . .
CAPTAIN HORSEFLY I PRESUME . . . that’s right folks , the tail he knew about , but the hands he forgot to count . . . and as we laid Captain Horsefly to rest on the deck at the same spot where on another craft you might have expected to catch a hatch . . . WHACK . . . and just what was that . . . why that was our dear old friend Bucky Beaver all slick in his bran new coat , which even had a boot , signalling our welcome to his fabulous multi – level terraced playground that by now had become more like a club to entire families of animals , vegetables , and various and sundry other creaking and croaking critters . . . each according to their own level . . . and so by now i bet you can probably imagine why it just had to be
young calf
forgot about the path
thinkin’ everything was alright
and it was Boogity Shoe , Lou , and Peggy Sue
Donna , Dianna , and even Proud Mary was there too
Ya , how was i to know there was a party goin’ on
they was a splishin’ and a splashin’
moovin’ with their groovin’
slidin’ and a hidin’
groovin’ with their feelin’s
hay thayre
Well i’ll be danged , if it ain’t the man from rez . . . and that ain’t no ocean of calamine lotion . . . QUACK QUACK QUACK . . . walla walla BING BANG . . . and then there were suddenly three . . . i should think , wouldn’t you say . . . and of course all three for free . . . get that everybody . . . creek , creek , creek . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Well that’s all for now folks . . . and til we meet again . . . happy . . . . .