now then wilbur also had a brother

. . orville . .

ORRVILLE REVISITED PART I I

now orville was a diminutive little man

a quiet spoken little man

 a little man

 but a little man with a voice as big as

and though he spoke in a very low tone

hi there billy boy

and all the while above the drone

 he could certainly tell jokes 

 that’d just about wanna make you  _ _ _ _

just above his rather distinctive baritone 

A Van Raft Christmas: Page 4 of 4 Pages

What did A.Y. Jackson, Vincent Massey, Franklin Roosevelt, Orville Wright and Kitchikewana have in common?

The Story of Cognashene, Georgian Bay

a  funny little voice

a funny little voice indeed

indeed a funny little voice

a funny little voice

but a voice that once again could be heard

above the land

OVER AND OUT

we could hear ‘em shout

for there was nothin’ wilbur’d love better

than to take to take off on one of those

far-fetched

early mornin’ flights of fantasy

why I can remember it like it was only yesterday

 for it was during wilbur’s first flight in 1903

that i was born

can you imagine a smith , a smythe

a gretsky , tricked ja , in another time line

and gentleman orr

for orville was also a hockey player

well any way back

to where i was comin’ from before

AND WHAT’S MORE

lot’s more from just off shore

hay pass the puck . . _ . _ _ . . . . _ _ . . . _ _ _ . .  you bloomin’ aussi

. . . oh ya . . and just what do you intend to do . . that’s right folks , you got it , it was lou . . lou askin’ the kind doctor exactly what he thought he was gonna do . . what with all our dear old friends he’d left stranded way back there at the zoo  .  .  DRIFTWOOD  THEATRE  REVISITED  PART   I I X I I  .  .  FURTHER  TALES  FROM  MAX  THE  FLYIN’  CAT .  . and oh look dear , look down at those canoeists singin’ out there in the in the rain . . ya , it doesn’t seem to slow ‘em down a bit eh . . or even for this here frog

BETWEEN THE LINES

CHAPTER I I . . BIT PART . . PART I I

LIFE AT THE EDGE OF A MIRROR

really . . really what ever happened to uncle lou and all his faithful     little sailors true . . really . .well i’ll tell you watt , here’s a little clue

so there you go boys ‘n girls . . simple as one , two , three . . but wait, at that rate . . THE FOLLOW THROUGH . . and as we watched our dear old friends fashion their final escape from you know who . . furiously saddlin’ and paddlin’ their teensy weensy make-shift canoe . . each two by two . . and hay don’t turn off that flashlight . . AND of course still tryin’ to catch up to with when . . TILT . . what the

whoops

and now for a little message from our sponsors

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. . . and then this innocent young thing walks right up to the kind old doctor and asks him if he was moving . . moving  .  . HA  HA  HA  .  . sale you say  .  . HA  HA  HA  HA .  .  you’d better believe we’re movin’ . . and so it was that the kind doctor decided to have a sale . . but not just any sale . . oh no boys ‘n girls , this wasn’t just your average  3  for 1  apology , 2 for 1 , or even buy two and get one for the price of three sale . . . this wasn’t a bank manager liquidation , intimidation , infatuation , or even desperation sale . . nor was this a valentine , christmas  , truck , or even a birthday sale . . oh no , boys ‘n girls . . SWITCH . . some pitch , eh . . SWITCH . . roll me over . . SWITCH . . and now for the sports . . say dj hear the one about the fat lady who caught a rock , or a bass , or both of the above . . . big one , aye mate . . hay get her away from the wheel . . really . . with a mouth that big i’d say she might need a shovel . . oh shut up g . . SWITCH

THE TUNNEL OF LOVE

. . . and oh my goodness all the laughing ‘n flyin’ . . ‘n laughin’ , rollin’ n flyin’ . . . laughin’ n rollin’ . . ‘n rollin’ n laughin’ . . ‘n flyin’ . . . ‘n laughin’ , ‘n laughin’ , ‘n laughin’ , ‘n cryin’ . . . ‘n laughin’ ,  ‘n rollin’ , ‘n sighin . . . ‘n sighin . . ‘n sighin’ , ‘n sighin’ , ‘n sighin’ , ‘n sighin’

til suddenlyand of course as you might have expected . . and certainly well before we had any idea of where we were comin’ from . . we were once again flyin’ . . . and as we tried to negotiate this rather intricate passage somewhere between all those crazy cut out crates . . and . . oops . . careful to stay just out reach of all those fancy new fangled , new world plates . . now known fondly as a droid void . . or as they say in these parts , nothin’ more than a good old fashioned rubber net . . . and , oh my goodness yes . . wouldn’t you just know it . . the kind old doctor completely forgot to bet . . . THE  RETURN  OF  GARFIELD . . . not only   that , but should you have a chance to look back over the text you might be lucky enough to discover a darling little kitty cat sittin’ over there in the corner , just a purrin’ away , and wearin’ nothin’ more than a party hat and a pair of pampers . . just so she doesn’t get wet

LIFE  AT  THE  EDGE  OF  A  MIRROR

DRIFTWOOD  THEATRE  PART  XI  THE  EARLY  CHILDHOOD  OF  ONE  WILLIAM  C  McDUCK

THE  STORY  OF  THE  LITTLE  DOG  WE  FOUND  IN  A  CUP

donald . . donald . . that’s right boys ’n girls you got it . . it was none other than our dear old uncle and all his darling little ones , somewhere still not quite daring to tread where his brothers ‘n sisters already could be seen joyfully splashin’ ‘n dashin’ back ‘n  forth , ‘n  to ‘n  from shore    . . . and there then to share all the seeds with their kind old relative . . .  and of course how should his looney friends have known he wasn’t even their father . . the eggs having carelessly been dropped into a collective nest . . here a duck . . there a duck . . everywhere a duck duck . . but . . . and up . . up under this gnarled old branch . . past a couple of yellow , green ‘n white water lilies . . a motionless long-legged piece of driftwood playin’ footsy with when . . oh wow . . check out bull winkle’s bran new chocolate shake . . chirp chirp chirp . . splash . . and of course all the way back down through all that ridiculous rough stuff . .  the scruff , the fluff , to say nothing of all those eccentric old puffs you might be lucky enough to catch hiding out in a log , under a rock , a shell , or maybe behind nothing more than , would you believe , a bull rush

. . . in fact it was up , down , and all around all the fingers of their favourite little lake  .  .  SPLASH  .  .  SPLASH  .  .  SPLASH  .  .  SPLASH DOWN  .  .  and right back up over to this happy little pup , who was now once again waggin’ his tail , and , you got it , no longer wearin’ a frown

. . . when hay , wasn’t that some kinda  . .  CLUCK  . .  CLUCK  . .  CLUCK  . . yup . . and certainly not to be confused with that funny little pup . . . a pair of bran new shoes for pinky . . all kinds and shapes of bright , colourful , kermity balloons . .  bells , horns , ‘n even grass whistles . . a  teensie  weensie  little  raft  for  somewhere . . all decked out in these goofy pink , yellow , green , ‘n purple new wave sunglasses . . . and last but not least , a great big fat old bucket of muck                                            

. .  QUACK  . .  QUACK  . .  QUACK  . .  yuk  . .  quite a party indeed . . not to mention the ride all the way back up

. . . all the way back up past all that marvellous intricate geometry . . through the fragrant rising mist . . the occasional whispy little cloud . . a couple of gorgeous tiny gingerbread pine ridges , fortunately still there for all of us to see . . and of course , as you might have expected , wright back into infinity . . . hardly strange anymore cause  V  was also a tree . . . kinda like headin’ back home, i  trust . . . til , in the end , there was nothing left but dust

HAY’D  ANYONE  OUT  THERE  SAY  OATS

. . . AND OH . . here . . look at this incredible white fifteen foot bug  . . why it’s actually goin’ through transformation . . i don’t really like bugs . . really . . so why don’t we go back to your place tonight . . of course not yet you silly fast talkin’ thing a ma jigger . . you wanna get in

. . ya just fur to get de piece o paper . . PEACE  O  PAPER  PART  I . . THE PIED  PIPER . . hay’d anybody out there see a cave

THE CONTINUING ADVENTURES OF MAX  THE  FLYING  CAT

BARNACLE PIG

the secret adventures of an american pig in paris

. . . and the rumours . . oh my goodness yes , the rumours . . . rumours about where was lou , what was in the shoe , details of a strange IOU , and of course , the totally unreal bit of booggaloo , relating to you know who , from the zoo , who , in her funny little way was somehow still trying to make her very own little fantasy come true . . . rumours about all the enchanting deceptive glances , the strange intriguing advances , the outrageous , stretched out , receptive stances , and of course , last but not least , all of the mysterious , exotic trances . . . and of a stunningly handsome dr. R. goodenough C.A. , a wild , spirited , hearing-ear dog . . and how he actually ended up fiddling wright along with yours truly W.Y.B. benji , a big fat old laid back hog . . to the absolute delight of freddie , a foppishly dressed , free-loading tree frog . . . as they all played along with each other out there on this particular log , in the middle of a very lively , intrinsically magical , and always totally unpredictable , spring-fed , spanish peat bog

GETTING TO KNOW YOU

really . . and though we were now actually beginning to believe that  we'd  just about learned every little trick in the book , there's certainly no way we shoulda ever tried to catch a flying tiger with only a hook . . . quite true . . perhaps had we tried a couple of  well-placed mirrors . . a little bit of sandpaper . . the occasional spot o chewing  tobacco . . a light smattering of moon dust . . a pitch out . . or maybe nothig more than a little more ring from his bat  . . WHACK . . wow , that one shure looked an awful lot like a flying spat . . as we all sat round this cozy little fireside chat , still trying to figure out what he kept wrapt up under his hat . . . or maybe we shoulda tried a little more . . when . . WOW . . WOW WHAT WAS THAT . . why those sparks my dear . . those sparks are merely there to let you know we're here . . to help pass on a little cheer . . and that you my dear , are now in the company of a rather slick , elusive , high flying , high fashion , tin can alley cat . . really 

They all vacationed in Cognashene

THE  MISSING  LINK

. . . meanwhile just a little further along the coast we could hear ‘em boast about he who had caught the most . . whew some whale . . here , hold on kids , and ah’ll show ye how to sail . . . and though they came in all shapes ‘n sizes , it was really he who had the biggest prizes . . or shouldn’t that have been surprizes . . . THE RETURN  OF  THE  RINGMASTER . . . and say who goes there . . . I’LL  COME  THEE  BY  MOONLIGHT . . . well , and if it ain’t our dear old hoof-hearted uncle fine . . you know boo boo who , who . . and hay , what’s with all them thay’re critters downstairs . . . when along comes this dusty peg-legged cow hand in hand with this absurd lookin’ droid of a wog , all decked out in a trench coat , a fashionable pair of sunglasses , and lookin’ nothin’ short of splendid as he hops along the track in his bran new gunny sack . . some bash eh . . and just in time too to catch this wacky wack crack . . hay help give me a hand getting’ this silly little monkey off my back you ridiculous three-legged hack of a one-eyed jack

. . . . and of course  on the other hand who da ever thought that that sock was really a rock . . no problem . . here just add a little water

. . . and so we all splashed wright back into the whirlpool , cranked up the heat , and turned back the clock . . . and then all the slippin’ ‘n slidin’ . . and as we all slipped back to the other side . . hay hardly any har here . . and say’d anybody up there say peach . . . FURTHER  REVELATIONS  FROM  THE  GREAT  WATERSHED  PART  I I  TOO . . . so let’s strike up the band and light up the sky . . or as they say in these parts let’s all get high . . . and by now i bet you can probably imagine why . . why , why the whole cotton pickin’ place actually began to fly . . hay , a little easy on the relish there billy

well we nshure  got ourselves into a pickle this time , eh willie . . we’re lost . . ya , and all we really nwanted to do was to follow our long lost pal . . bet he’s lost too . . . gee it’s so dark out here . . and everything’s nso unfamiliar . . i’m afraid willie . . i’m afraid willie . . i’m afraid this is it

but wait , i think i hear violins . . . hay that ain’t no violin you ding a ling . . that’s a fiddle . . . wow could this be happening

and oh , look wally . . check out giant’s tomb . . would you believe all those incredible marbles flowin’ around over there . . decent eh

. . . in fact as we turned around to check out the tide we could see all our long lost friends down there reelin’ side by side . . really quite a ride . . . til by the time we had swept the curtains aside . . WOW  OUTTA  SIGHT . . the whole show was literally sizzlin’ with delight 

 MEANWHILE  BACK  AT  THE  RANCH

. . . and say don’t you find that that chicken was startin’ to taste an awful lot like a frog . . of course not silly . . who ever said anythin’ about fishin’ you dirty old dog  . . . for the wieners were also wonderful story tellers . . . why they’d love nothin’ better ‘n sittin’ round the fire , a couple of good old fashioned  _ _ _ _ _  in hand . . . and say says willie to wallie who kicked you in the face with sand  . . . and hence the origin of the word island . . . for willie ‘n wallie were a lot bigger than you otherwise might ‘ave thought . . . with an imagination as big as . . . and careful you’re spillin’ the  _ _ _ _ _

. . .  and as they began to expand . . and of course in their case it was of bisons on the horizon . . THE  GRAND  SALAMI . . and of course the ones who survived were the ones who could jump high , display exceptional powers , run quickly , or simply hide . . . til in the end even a fish could become a friend , and an elephant could learn how to fly                        

  . . . for it was through the flow of their thoughts that we were finally once again able to make our way all the way , all the way back up , and all the way back out . . and up into the sky . . . hay don’t forget to cover my little toe with sand

. . . and as we all hopped back ‘n forth from isle to isle all the little kids began to smile . . SAVE  THEM  SWAMPS . . for buy now it hardly even mattered if you were big , fat . . rich , poor . . or even fried . . CLOSE  BUT  NO  CIGAR . . really . . . and wasn’t it nice to see that they’d already long forgotten what they were fightin’ for . . now that they’d been lucky enough to take that magical ride on that wonderful clyde over there on the other side . . . gosh willie , you know for a moment there you were actually beginnin’ to make sense . . . so until we meet again 

IN  SEARCH  OF  WILBUR  E.  WRIGHT

. . CHAPTER 3 . .

DON’T  FORGET  ME  WHEN  I’M  GONE

. . . and then there was always orville’s good old buddy john . . why i’d almost forgotten john what with . . and wasn’t it john who first introduced orville to the freckled twig . . . and how the three of em then ed sneak off to blarney castle just up the coast from orville’s legendary perch overlooking all those dreamy windswept mountain tops . . . and how each in turn then n’d take their turn sleeping in marie antoinette’s bed . . silly you bet . . but true

now john , in his great wisdom , and with his lofty loquacious nature becomes the world’s greatest would-be-sports-announcer  ( that is when he wasn’t planting trees )  . . wow check out that scruffy old crow sitting over there atop that wizen old pine . . . the freckled twig scampers around specializing in relieving trees of their dead ‘n dying limbs  ( that is when he wasn’t playing around with all his wonderful little cosmic communicators )  . . whilst yours truly was simply left with the enviable task of watching them all in slow motion , taking notes , and then even attempting to make reason or rhyme of their antics , let alone predict the rhythms of the weekend weather

BORN AT SEA BUT NOT TOO FAR FROM SHORE

the  most  recent  episode

  in  this  our  very  own  self-confessed  hi-flyin’  HIFI  doc-u-drama

. . . now then john just finishes tellin’ this tale of how a beautiful young nurse decides to accept her friend’s dare to spend the night on the top floor of the haunted old hotel in franceville , even though it was rumoured that a lunatic had just escaped from penetang  –  you know that alleged multi-dimensional . . or as others might have preferred to call it . . that rather antiquated , or should that have been animated , ram-shackled hovel of nuts . . . and you can be shure they’d be proud to have us call it that  –  and now on the loose , and of course as you might have expected , not far from

. . . just to be shure she was alright , for she was already beginning to shake with fright , it is agreed that the friends will signal each other with a flashlight. . . her friends from the cabin of a tilted , rustic old steamer in the sagging broken down boathouse . . and she back every half hour just to let ‘em know she was alright . . . when somewhere in the middle of the night . . no reply . . . well the first one says to the second one there . . it looks like still yet another one dare . . . and as he enters the old hotel his flashlight pans past an entire flotilla of old fashioned  glass-encased batteries , a mysterious walking stick with a brass duck head handle , the battered old harpsichord , that somehow could still be heard accompanying that fabulous fat lady when she was there . . . up past broken down grey black ‘n white striped mattresses that had once given comfort to an assortment of hardy , table-hoppin’ lumberjacks , flamboyant mississippi gamblers , well behaved german prisoners of war . . who thought it was still the north sea where they were at . . and even the occasional indian with long hair . . . past holes in the ceiling , the floor , and the walls . . scattered with all kinds of intimate old letters , bills , magazines , stamps , and even a postcard of a bear . . pinned up in a little secluded corner , just below the back stair . . just like out of a movie . . not to mention the usual graffiti once again braggin’ “ i was there “

. . . now john was the kinda guy who’d love nothin’ better ‘n tellin’ a tall tale hangin’ onto a rail . . and this time around it was the rail of a boat   . . but from the other side . . . anyway hold on kids cause that’s where we’ll be comin’ from

WIND, WATER AND SKY

and we’re still not quite shure if it was the creak of a door , oar a croak from the floor . . .  that she awoke . . . desperately she grabs the closest wand she can find . . . she raises her hand . . and you got it . . she promptly pops her dear old friend . . right on top of his ever lovin’ noggin bare

. . . now then by now i guess you’re probably still wondrin’ what all of this has to do with the story that johnny was trying to tell . . . anyway when  . . oh my goodness isn’t that our boat driftin’ away

now orville looks at john , and john at orville . . sais orville to john . . it’s either you or me . . WHACK . . dj get that fly . . for the ice had just begun to melt , and civilization had moved a million miles away . . from that little pocket in the snow , on that fateful day in early may . . . and the more that they thought about it , and the more they talked   . . . the more the boat drifted away . . . and whether it was really a head , or a moose , or a tail . . . it was really john who was sent off to swim after the pail . . . and as the boat drifted further away

. . . well as johnny gets closer to the boat he calls out for help . . orville thinking he was just joking waves back at his pal with words of encouragement . . . til he could see that johnny was barely holdin’ on to the rail . . well orville dives into the icy water . . his chest tightens . . fur-iou-sly flappin’ ‘n slappin’ his wings so as not to get too cold, he literally flies across the water back there . .  HALLILLUA HIAWATHA  . . and the water becomes very peaceful

. . . anyway , back on shore the boys have a good laugh . . the girls don’t find it very funny . . orville marries little miss starstruck . . john faints . . elvis completely freaks out . . and the wind turns to the west and blows away all their cares . . . needless to say they all lived happily ever after

cause out  here  there  ain’t  no  place  for  miles

we  could  hear  em  sing  through  their  smiles

where a  silly  little  bunny

d’wanna  ever  have  to  spend  money

eh  honey

CHORUS

bla  bla  bla  . . . have  to  want  to  spend  money

eh  honey

for they had their serious side too

and now you know the rest of the story

WRITTEN  IN  A  HAPPY  LITTLE  CABIN . . . THAT   OTHERWISE  MIGHT   HAVE  COMPLETELY  DRIFTED  AWAY

A Van Raft Christmas

Page 1       Page 2       Page 3       Back To The Top Of This Page 4

 til in the end all that was left was

 joy

JOY TO THE WORLD

. . . and of course by now it wasn’t even me anymore , what with the laughter of all our little darlings , the festive crackling of the fire , and the sweet smell of honey hearts , marzipan , tangerines , and spicy plum pudding in the air . . . you can be shure it was starting to feel a lot more like christmas , specially with all the little van rafts buggin’ the kind old doctor , who incidentally had just finished packin’ his last rolly poly bag , for a secret little christmas tale . . OK  OK . . i’ll tell you what , i’ll tell you a story . . . so gather round now kids ,  and i’ll tell you the story of nowhere

. . . once upon a time there was a chicken . . but not just any chicken . . oh no, boys ‘n girls this was a special chicken . . a very special chicken . .   a very special chicken on a very special trip . . a trip that was actually a lot more like a very crazy rock ‘n roll party to nowhere . . SOMEWHERE BETWEEN  A  ROCK  AND  A  HARD  PLACE . . and though they’d never before seen the light of day , there was certainly good reason for the entire congregation to weep and pray today . . . for somewhere just up the stream . . hidden behind a screen . . and it might just as well have been . . for BEE for all was seen . . E² . . SCRAMBLED  EGGS . . G² . . and what a crate of a bus . . or as they say in the colloquial , the kind of crate you just couldn’t wait to bust . . at least that’s what i thought i heard him say in his funny wittle way . . . and as our very own white feathered freedom fighter finessed his escape from the you know what i trust . . . but how , and then to where . . and oh , what was the time , and what was that up there in the air

. . . well kids the time was just wright , for as the story goes , sir william and van raft t’d just pulled in their kite . . and you can imagine it was quite a sight . . what with our poor little man just about dyin’ from fright . . SOMEWHERE  BETWEEN THE  DEVIL  AND  THE  DEEP  BLUE  SEA . . and as the kind doctor explained the nature of his plight . . and of course , just like a jack rabbit , he would have normally taken off in flight . . . but not today . . for although he’d heard his mother say . .           “ never talk to strangers , especially if they’re called wolf “ . . or maybe it was the smell of the hay

. . . and so it was , according to sir wishman , that falling sky finally decided to stay . . NO  LONGER  CHICKEN . . and as his kind benefactors pulled out of sight . . and just in time too , dare i say , what with the oblivious bus driver comin’ back from his bite . . . . . and as the time went by , it was time once again for our three celestial visitors to pull back into port . . . and as for nowhere , why this was his first chance to relax . . . and OOPS . . . and as WWVR and WBVR came back from the dance . . and oh , isn’t that a pretty little egg , they said with a glance . . why thank you , thank you falling sky  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  “ but dad we can’t call him nowhere anymore ” sais little van raft to the older van raft  “after all isn’t he somewhere now “

. . . and so it was that somewhere lived out all of the rest of his days out there in the real world as one of the van rafts . . . and as you can probably well imagine it hit a tender chord right down there at the bottom of our hearts to see somewhere and all her little ones come out ‘n wish us good morning right along with the rest of the flock . . . and somehow, and almost like in a balk . . wok . . what with the funny wittle walk he’d perfected in his early days in the box .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  . so here’s to you somewhere , wherever you may be . . . and as for the rest of the gang . . why a merry christmas to all . . and here’s hoping that we may live in peace together . . forever . . and free

oh look mom

isn’t that

a pretty little rainbow

written  by  a  happy  little  chicken  by  the  side  of  a  stream

COMING  HOME

sittin’  in  a  bath tub

blowin’  bubbles  round   the  sun

and  though  there  were  whispers

that   we  looked  rather  silly in  our  bran  new  new  wave  helmets

you  and i we  both  know

it  was  just  for  fun

. . . and so now that it was christmas once again in troy . . what with the kind old doctor so tired he just had to curl up in his bran new bubble toy . . . and just like their legendary pal downstream all his little elves began to dream

and dreams of happy little toys unwrapping their marvelous new gifts to the absolute delight of all their tiny little puppies , each waking up   in the arms of their very own little girls and boys

. . . and talk of talkin’ trains ‘n bags o beans . . telescopes , dolls ‘n balls  . . . and giant bears on rocking chairs playin’ hockey games . . . and what was the time . . and o what was the score . . . here quick check out my micky mouse watch . .  oh boy quite coy . . . and of a fabulous new world transformer that w w would you believe actually began to beam for roy . . . not to mention the incredible ride round the mountain tops and all the way back downstream . . .  that

you got it

was certainly a lot more

than it seamed