The Long Way Home : Page 1 of 4 Pages
TALKO BELLE THEATRE PART I I I
New Wingland I Presume
THE NEW BOSS
Captain Alice Horsefly I Presume
TALKO BELLE THEATRE REVISTED . . PART 1 . . I HAVEN'T GOT THE FOGGIEST
. . . as we entered deeper into driftwood theatre we thought we could hear the cries of distress . . and whilst it was said that one lurked in the shadows . . a little easy on the black pepper there lou . . and as we all sat there on the edge of our collective seats we could spy a true blue dragonfly . . all strung out . . goin nowhere fast . . and askin' why . . why he couldn't fly
I THOUGHT I WAS . . that's right for what at first a flying fish appeared to be . . reversing the tides . . of course not silly that was revisiting . . . and so it was as the kind doctor began to unravel his rather sticky cosmic tale
hiya there boys ‘n girls , i’m long john jerryringer
ya i’m the two headed boy , and i don’t mind
some people may think our life must be a real rough grind
but that’s not our problem
specially with all the other things our mind scan find
ya , i’m long john jerryringer , and we don’t mind
for some people our talk may appear strange
but that’s not the way we see it
cause it’s really all so easy to rearrange
ya right , he’s long john jerryringer , we’re the two headed boy
and she’s still trying to figure out who spoke
and even though you may think jerry the chamellion’s a joke
it’s really me and a big pizza pie under the cloak
howdy folks , i’m long john jerryringer
i’m a two headed ventriloquist , and we don’t mind
and even though the outside feels a bit like mist
i guess you can’t blame her
for wanting to know who she just kissed
wright on , we’re having’ long john jerryringer over for dinner
and i don’t care what we wear
for what good are clothes when you’ve got so much hair
ya , i’m really long john jerryringer
and we’re happy to be free as a lark
and even though you may want to put up your fences
strange considerin’ we’re only here to replenish your senses
and then just when you thought we didn’t have a heart
we break right down just like like a rock under a shell in the park
remembrin’ the joy we had as beatles
why a rollin’ stone don’t gather no moss
hay, i don’t have to take this lying down
old wives tales of where , how , and why they landed the arc
and of course , when you got skin this thick
you might just as well call it bark
ya , we’re really john , and we do care
and even though you might have thought
we only came here to put the wind back into your sail
you and i , we both know
that all we really needed was a glorious tale
. . and as always case all the little kids were always ready for a good old fashioned laugh , even if it happened to be at someone else's expense . and this time it wasn't just cowboys and indians . . oh no biys 'n girls . this time it wasn't even a laughing matter . . his time it was a matter of national security.
FROM THE SECRET MEMIORS OF DR. WOLF VAN RAFT . . .PART I SCENE 1 . . . THE FLYING DUTCHMAN . . . and just like a tender little puppy losty somewhere deep within the walls of sleepy old fort st. jean , parked lazily on the banks of the richelieu . . not you lou . . just up the stream from the arc of our latest dream . . and right in the heart of FLQ . . . and as our little wolf van raft gazed up past the stacks 'n racks of our newly reconverted canbera's jacks . . up , up and up . . up to a citadelle . . a cite belle . . a site belle , perched igh up in the clouds , high up in the sky ,. . and of course still wandring why . . . ONLY SEVEN AND ALREADY A REFUGEE . . . a little easy on the salt there lou , or was that peter . . of course not silly , that was really our very own new world freedom fighter rudolph van raft , the red baron , comin' right your way . . wright on . . and of course comin' wright on through . . . and so it was the miller continued to tell his tale
. . . and it was in this time too that bell bottoms had not yet come back into style , whereas button-down flies somehow seemed to be looking for an opening to get right wilde . . . at the same time proud senior cadets still held their red striped navy police pants ghigh with . you got it . high fashion suspenders , and bars up to the sky . . HOOTOUT AT HIGH NOON . . all all this , you say , jus to differentiate them from all the goofy baldheaded recruits . . . and as fo our drawers , why we had their precisely ordered contents all progressively pulled out down , down , and right down to the bottom of our very owbn magical mayanpyramids . . much in the same way that the longitude , the lattude , and the altitude of the diamond chains of our light 'n dark blue bedspreads had to be oh so perfectly lined up . .and of course ready once again for TV
. . . and all this at 6: 53 , or as they said in those parts, 23 minutes after reveille . . with lil ole you all lined up . . but something was diffeent today . . for what at first a problem appeared to be turned out once again . . . for with less than even a minute to get it right , our drowsy old friend van raft was still raggin' himself around trying to get it tight . . . and justt as he was about to go for his lassoo .................... but that wonldn't do . . so the the pants had to stay ......... and presto . .yay . . ya . . yay . . . that's right folks , for these coarse , barbaric recruit pants that once had ripped and torn our legs right down to the very last hair were sudenly as soft as silk - thanks to the flannel and now finally ours to share
AND THEIR BAYONETS THEY SHINE . . . and as the magnificent march past began to proceed . . and then come to a halt . . and then to exalt . . . and then with precision of step . . and a perfection of stare . . by the jingle jingle of swords , and the clatter of boots , we knew that the admiral was almost there . . except in this case . . for when yours truly the vice , or should that have been the rear admiral came into range , something happened that was really strange . . FIT TO BE TIED PART I I . . and as this distinguised , gold betasseled , silver haired gentleman began to drag yours ruly all around the square , still all at attention , just like a dog , or a horse trying to head back home . . and by ow i bet you've probablt figured out by where
. . . not only that , but as fortune would have it , and a fortnight less into the past , it was time once again for the impeccable captain fournier , our favourite squadron commander , to look aghast . . . that's right folks , for where once there had been one too many a tie , there was now nary a one , not even a fly . .well that was that . . and oh what a slob . . and contrary to goodwill and discipline you w.h. nueller 053947 , you are hereby bla , bla , bla
. . . and as little wolf looked up at all these self-righteous , spit-shone faces that had beenup all night just preparing for this very special confrontation . . SHOULD HAVE BEEN GONE . . and here now , and each sacrificing their veru own precious time . just to ask this question , that was so sublime , NO CONTEST SAID THE JUDGE . . and even as our little wold began to sheepishly look around the room his inquisitors began to swoon . . and after all that . what was left to say , but . . FUDDLE DUDDLE . . and either you're nuts , or so am i
. . . and of course by now you just know I would not tell a lie . . . and as to all his dear old friends in this particular insrtitution he bade good-bye . . for it was time once again for van raft to fly . . and hardly ever wondrin' why . . why . . why, why the kid was so carefree and wild . . . and this was strange cause he wasn't even a child
COMING . . meanwhile back at the circus . . . SOON
HINT OF THE WEEK . . .according to the earl of hay's little rake . . jesse , the tripper dillon's really a fake brother jake . . gene gene's a blown up ventriliqust . . dusty derringer's two faced . . and of course we all know that jake the snake's actually a scruffy flake . . and hay was that some kinda jet . . of course not , that was no jet . . no fly can fly that fast . . at least n'yet . . and of course that was no relative stranger to these parts cause that was really our hysterically strange relative wild wolf , hay'd you (not you lou) have any idea who you're talkin' to , van jack . . . ya here's looking' at you kid . . and comin' back all this way past the zoo . . right on Q . . 'n of course , as you might have expected , made special just for you
WHO’S KIDDIN’ WHOO PART I I . . . you know you’ve got a lot of nerve to hit me with your best shot when you don’t even know who to begin with . . . GRIZZLY THEATRE REVISITED . . . NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU A PART I I I . . . oh yah , so the last one wasn’t good enough , eh john . . huh . . and how dare you come right out and say it . . that’s right baby , i’ve had it , you asked for it , and you’re gonna get it . . ya john , it’s you i’m talkin’ to . . ya you R . don jerryringer , R. J. dj get it , you’ve had it . . and now you’re gonna get it . . . wow , shore good to see that guy get that one out of his system . . . and where does he get off , you say . . rjDjrk . . . WHO’S NEXT . . . why thanks , i’ll consider that a compliment . . . and so it was as all our darling little van rafts fooled around as they played . . . and my what glorious friends they made . . . at the same time others were better stayin’ sailors
TO OUR CHILDREN’S CHILDREN’S CHILDREN
PART I I
or wasn’t that captain zulu and his scruffy crew
captain’s log this wednesday , the 3rd of march , or shouldn’t that have been may . . . SHE’LL BE OK . . shouts the captain to dave , our genial 1st mate , who in turn barks . . LET’S GO PLAY IN THE HAY . . to the rest of the fray out there in the bay . . . and oh what a fun day . . what a fun day to go play out there in the hay . . a day so glorious you’d practically swear you saw hymn in your reflection as you got down on your knees to pray . . . and say dj catch jd tryin’ to catch w and w wiener bait ’n switch a pair of identical twins who whent by steve ang tony , and cod lil bob , ying yang , and bruce instead . . . a day so glorious . . oh no , not the bruce , the bruce who quips jake the snake , himself barely disguised as a rake . . the bruce who when sali dali took a little sally out from the trail , and started to sail , and then even to wail , about a whole bunch of whales , she’d left stranded back there in a pail . . . hay move over . . thanks we needed that . . . AND AS THE GREAT GIANT MIRROR TURNED BACK UP TO THE SKY . . we could once again sea that our long lost friends , as expected , were also no longer dry . . why . . cause this little dipper saul “ always was , always will be “ litman who’d just dropped off “ buy to share“ a couple of zen zookini jokes with mark the quark , fryin’ bryan , harry , jeff ‘n jerry , or shouldn’t that have been gary , not you gary , len and all the other flippin’ uninvited guests who buy now had begun to splash ‘n dash about with R rob B , a trusty old stand by comic , and laid back comedian , who it is said goes by the handle of none other than the totally unreal, uncompromising, ebulliently eccentric , and devastatingly electric . . not to mention absolutely fabulous , phenomenally flabbergasting , super-duper , front row center , you asked for it , and as always , effervescent earl . . . that’s wright , you guessed it , it was none other than yours truly , the one and only , the wingiest of ‘em all , and lifetime fellow in the order of play , his eminence earl mc rae , the , you already got it , earl mc rae , the incomparable earl of hay . . . and hay’d anybody out there see goofy
ALREADY THERE . . . meanwhile back aft , and totally unbenounced to us , midshipman flowhill and all his capable little assistants have just secretly finished putting the finishing touches to all the bright colourful lines of streamers , lanterns , and wind chimes . . whilst our subservient galley slaves elsie , etta , alouicious , carol , jennifer, june, and may have just served up a delightful raft of refreshing pink pineapple cocktail twists . . a fruity yet tart , non-alcoholic , cinnamon coconut concoction the earl of hay’d picked up somewhere in the bahamas , out there in the jungle , by a pool , beside a radio , on a tray . . . FULL STEAM AHEAD CAPTAIN SHE SMILES
APRILE SHOWERS
♥ ♥ ♥ and so now that it was springtime once again it soon became plain why all our little one’s thoughts should turn back to rain . . . and oh , all the marvellous rainbows , the big fat clouds , the ecstasy of it all , and all the happy little streams . . . some of which were even , would you believe , disguised as beams
☼ ☼ ☼
SHIP TO SHORE . . . and as we smiled down upon those great puffy billowing sails , all held aloft by a great giant light blue pencil , and riding high upon nothing more than a good old fashioned wickery pail . . . and of course still looking more like a silly little monkey lookin’ for a ride , than that crazy cantankerous old quail lookin’ for a place to hide . . . past vineland , pineland , greenland . . . and still reelin’ from all those wild outlandish antics of the count , the captain , and our dear old pal lou . . not to mention the rest of what still was left of that sissy old zoo crew . . . and what with even iceland in tow . . ho , ho , ho . . LAND HO . . and oh , what was in the hold . . . why we had grasses . . . grasses of all sorts it was suggested you should be told . . . why we had cat tails , horsetails , sargasso grass , and marsh mallow . . couch grass , shepherd’s purse , alfalfa , sage , and even a little pinch of kentucky blue . . . yes indeed all kinds of grasses . . some of which , would you believe , were even woven into beautiful intricate floral mosaics so true
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. . . and all the while the radio played . . blown all this way by a favourable trade . . and just in time too , for just as we were about to say good-bye to the sea and say . . hay isn’t that our dear old friend mister T . . wright on , the mister T , the mister T who only now could wave good-bye too . . having left the great thankless task of holding up the stone in the willing , and capable hands of a faithful feathered ham , known to some as chickenman , and to others as a long lost relative of lou . . . and certainly not to be confused with a clone . . or for that matter a ram , a lucky rabbit’s foot , or dare i even say a drone . . . hay no layin’ down on the job lou
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and as mister T and all our little ones once again wound their way back up all the refreshing clear rivers and streams . . past misty pastoral fields , graceful cascading waterfalls , quaint little bridges , the occasional salt lick , boisterous babbling brooks , and all of the gently trickling little streams . . . some of which , would you believe , were even disguised as purveyors of cream
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. . . past all the happy little chipmunks hopping merrily along their weathered old cedar rails . . as they zig-zag past tough thorny little shrubs , the bright little berries , and all the well-worn rickety old paths . . . accentuated here and there by lichen , toadstools , and piles of ancient mossy old stones
. . . and as the mist began to rise . . the stately tips of the pines . . the thatched roofs , the shutters , and the bell in the steeple . . . hummingbirds and morning glories , a tidy little woodpile over there by the bee hive, a couple of gentle turtle doves in an old apple tree . . the haystack . . and even a fancy swingin’ rooster on top of an old stone barn beam
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. . . til it became clear for all to see that all of the generous pledges , and every conceivable shape , size , and even type of hedges . . and all the great oaken doors and bejewelled window ledges . . were in fact all part of a delightfully authentic english country garden , that much to our surprize had materialized , right here and now , and right before our very own eyes
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I THOUGHT I WAS . . . and oh look over here . . and then look back over there . . yes indeed dee boys ‘n girls we had eggs . . oh my goodness did we ever have eggs . . . why we had eggs of all sorts . . . and big ones , and small ones . . wobbly old fatso , double trouble , and slim . . . and pink ones , golden brown ones , speckled green chocolate ones , and hymns . . . turquoise , polka dot peach , gritty light grey , bayberry , camouflage red , and even buttermilk cream . . . and oh , here’s a lovely little one that’s even been touched by a gentle hint of blue . . . each lovingly wrapped , and of course , as you might have expected , carefully inspected and fiercely protected , by lil ole you . . and you . . and you . . and you . . it’s true . . . as we all sat out there patiently waiting for , and marveling at the thought , and the wonder of he who , or why she would send . . . til in the end there was barely a peep , or a cheep , or even a hen . . . as we all sat out there in that magical springtime garden , eagerly awaiting the imminent arrival of our newly found friend . . . and oh , isn’t that a pretty little crocodile
IN THE BEGINNING
. . . and then just as we remembered why we came . . what with all these happy wittle rabbits all hopping around and pretending to be a bunch of snobbish , sophisticated , high class cotton tails . . . just jokin’ of course , and actually quite tame considrin’ we were just in the throes of what others might have called a silly , old fashioned dress up game . . . and oh , how about those two over there , and exactly what did they wear . . why i’d swear that was only a hedgehog pining a bright colourful flagon to the top of a lid . . a lid that had once characterized YFAM , the march hare . . oh ya , and where did you meet your wife steve , in a bowling alley . . . and who was the judge . . oh my goodness yes , how could we forget his highness , the judge . . . and was he cruel , or was he lame . . . and oh what was his name . . . no problem though just the same . . for the judge was nothing more than a great giant ape disguised as a ridiculous australian jackass , and only there because he so loved the game . . and all the clapping , the cheering . . the hooting and the jeering . . and of course , who else could we blame . . . alright kids that’ll just about do . . . and now back to you . . back to your seats . . and now let the play begin
DRIFTWOOD THEATRE REVISITED . . PART I . . I’M NO ANGEL
ich ah ah mussen tinner lachen mesta note hauen
class , class . . yes indeedee boys and girls , you got it , why it was none other than our darling old high school teacher miss gloria r. swanson , the grand duchess of thames . . the gloria r. swanson whose steadfast contention it was , and always would be , that in all of the great shakespearean tragedies unrequited love was , and always would be , the great and underlying theme . . and hence of course his master’s main , and , you got it , only claim to fame . . . and oh what did you do for the weekend , accentuated again , of course , and as always , by unrequited love . . not to mention the lies , the deceptions , and all of the heartfelt pain . . . and oh of course we mustn’t forget who was to blame . . . and unrequited love here , unrequited love there , unrequited love in the attic , out in the backyard , the barnyard , under a desk in the back of the classroom , on the football field , the back seat , and , WYB even behind a train station in spain . . . in fact it was unrequited love everywhere , as it soon became plain . . . when in walks this great big grizzly bear
and never to have to explain unrequited love , all kinds of ridiculous behaviour , or even the rain again . . . but just the same we still continued to be subjected to her strange , twisted , button down brain . . . and again , and again , and again . . for to us she was still the skinny old duchess of thames . . apart from the fact . . and in a while , what with all her newfound style . . oh my goodness yes , just check out those crazy outlandish horn-rimmed glasses . . now accentuated even more by all her gorgeous tresses , and , WYB , even the stresses in the cleavage of her dresses . . . and of course right back down to every little inflection in alice’s smile . . . and just as alice is about to swing back into my direction again . . and there then to perch upon my little desk what with her . . and right then ‘n there little ronnie slides his hand to where he normally plays with his toys . . EEK THOU HAST PIERCED ME . . and of course all the hysterical laughter , the . . and of course who was to blame . . . and of course , as you can probably well imagine , it was back off to mr. cross again . . . and what is it today mrs. von thames . . . and just as i was about to sit on his desk . . blah , blah , blah . . eek , though has pierced me . . . no problem though , for it wasn’t nearly as serious as it seemed . . . for when he awoke he found that it was really only gracie’s little puppy piggy having a wet dream out there on the banks of the runnymede , and . . CROAK . . CROAK . . CROAK . . you got it , right on the back , wright on the back of our dear old friend’s black cloak
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